Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
