Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
