Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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