yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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