okay pat passed out under dana's car
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
