nut hugger
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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