I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
