The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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