All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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