i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I got inside last night via doggy door
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
