Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
