I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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