I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
