the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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