Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
