Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
