i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
