He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
