that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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