Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
