If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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