And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
two words...techno handjob
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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