Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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