what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
two words...techno handjob
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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