i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He passed out mid-signature
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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