Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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