I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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