We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
