she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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