Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
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Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
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Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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