Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
