ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
