I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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