I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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