When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
