plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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