yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
