Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
