Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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