The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
