then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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