Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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