just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
