Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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