it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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