dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
