dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i've created a new STD.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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