On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
