Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
