things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize