My room smells like vodka and shame
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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