I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
