Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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