sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize