Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
