I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
