honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
