In America we eat man semen.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
