so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
