I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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