He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
