she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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