You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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