True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
